Revelation, of sorts, you know, kinda sorta
Joey Negro - Don't Hold Back (Medusa Mix)
I was taking a walk last week, barefooted of course! It's October, it's fall, but it's still kind of warm out, it was when I was walking. It feels so nice to take a walk barefooted. My feet connect to the ground and I feel secure, I can feel the ground.
But, on my walk, I was thinking about my life now, my supposed new path I feel I'm embarking on. I was thinking about making mistakes and then I had thoughts about me and computers.
I've never really been afraid of computers. Some people are, they're afraid to press a button unless they know what it does, not me. I head straight for the system files and muck things up just to see what'll happen. Early on I got into programming, assembly language no less. If you really want to frak a computer up nice and good program in that language. Every time I was staring at the boot sequence on my monitor as my computer restarted I learned something. Mostly what not to do next time, but more importantly I slowly began to understand why. The more reboots the better, the more I learned. After a while I had made so many mistakes it was almost impossible to make any more; and that's when I became knowledgeable. I eventually hit upon a point where I not only knew what would happen if I did something but I even understood why it would. I became good with computers.
On my walk, I drew a parallel between my success with computers and my perceived failure with my life in general. Mistakes, and the willingness to make them. That's what I noticed. Even though I make tons of mistakes with computers I have no fear of making them so the net result is that I know far more than when I started. But in my life in general I am afraid to make mistakes, and the net result is that I only know a little more than when I started.
In my life up till now I've been coming to this realization. I've been getting used to making mistakes. If you read my blog through the past months you'll undoubtedly notice a sad streak throughout it. But...everything has its purpose I suppose. Those sad moments, as frequent as they are, have brought me here, to this point. I said in another post here that once you fall enough times you start to get used to the ground. Another way of saying getting comfortable with making mistakes. I've fallen a lot. I've kissed the ground a lot. Now, it seems, I'm starting not to curse the ground so much. I realize hitting it isn't the end of the world. The more mistakes I make the more I'll learn, and the better I'll get.