Free Will
It's a very interesting, interesting, interesting thing to be alive. We have choices! I think free will is one of the most sacred things we have actually.
Today I went through a thought process where I justified my fear of doing something. Bad bad thing: justifying a fear; but I did it so well! See, like I mentioned in a post a long time ago I re-realized that my fear of making mistakes is a serious handicap to my personal growth. But in thinking on my fear and trying to reframe it as something more palatable I stumbled upon a jewel of an idea: that I actually have the choice to continue in my fear.
It's a real subtle epiphany that I now notice that I've missed many times in my life when falling into my fears. Even though I'm not going to do what I'm afraid to do, I'm okay with that, because I realize I don't have to do it, I have the choice to or not to. That, is an empowering thought! It is pretty crummy overall to give in to a fear, but it is way way more powerful to realize that you're choosing it. Because then you're owning your life even when you're afraid to live it. The simple recognition that you have a choice and thus the power to shape your life as you please.
You know, it is kind of strange the conversations I hold with myself in my head. Fascinating actually. It's almost like I already know the answers to the questions I ask. But I guess if you're really honest with yourself you know the truth of things. We lie to ourselves, we hide things from ourselves, but when we're honest with ourselves we know what we want to know. What is a question? What is an answer? A desire to know ourself?