Small Victories
Rabbit in the Moon - Lets Dance
Last Friday I did something kind of unusual for me, I went out to a concert! I went to see Rabbit in the Moon, a really cool trance group probably most famous for their tune "Out of Body Experience". I had a freakin' blast there! Danced for about 3 hours and was sweaty as hell, haha. The freaks and geeks scene is definitely one I enjoy.
The thing I'm most happy about though is actually going at all. When I saw they were going to be playing near me something inside me said I have to go see them. I had actually seen an ad for another event that I really wanted to go to but bailed on it because of my usual fears. But not Rabbit in the Moon I thought! It's interesting now recollecting my thoughts and feelings leading up to that Friday night. I went from being really apprehensive about it to comfortable leadership. Leadership in the sense of taking charge of things, even if it was only myself and someone else going. Still, I did genuinely lose my fear and I'm most proud of that.
In another post I mentioned about accepting being afraid, not trying to hide from it or fight it or anything. Ever since that post I've been feeling a kind of gathering of power within myself. Not too long after the post I had a visualization in my head of looking down on a person from a bird's-eye perspective as they were standing up. It's like once I really accepted that I was afraid I gathered to myself...myself. Really, when you deny any part of yourself you expend energy doing so and the more you deny in some fashion the more energy you expend. If at some point you come to a place where you accept that which you formerly resisted you, quite literally, draw that part of you to yourself; you become more whole, less fragmented. Another nice bonus is that you suddenly seem to have more energy since you no longer need to direct it towards denial of self.
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I think true happiness is possible, I really do, but I'm thinking it comes more from acceptance of yourself. And I mean true acceptance, not just paying lip service to the concept, or saying you understand the concept. It's not easy work to do, to truly accept yourself, although it might seem so. If it really were so easy why aren't you always happy? You can attempt to fool others if you want, but never ever fool yourself. Hmm, much to learn have I.