Happy Days
To be honest nothing truly extraordinary has happened in my life to warrant such a happy subject line for this post. I did turn 30 a few days ago though so something interesting has happened. I think I'm just happy because a lot of things are coming together for me. Not things as in physical things, more mental things. I'm understanding things! It is the neatest thing when you finally feel like you're beginning to understand things that have plagued you a long time.
But you know, I guess some physical things have been happening that have contributed to my happiness, small things really though. I just switched to a chemical-free deodorant from my aluminum-laden antiperspirant, I bought a PS3 just because I wanted to, I'm almost done organizing files on my computer so I can back everything up to 10 DVDs and switch to Linux. Yes, life is good in a sort of geeky kind of way. :) The comment above about things coming together is really just a feeling inside of coalescence. It's strange in a way, it really does just feel like things I've struggled with for a long time are resolving themselves. My changing to a deodorant is happy for me because I feel like I'm taking care of my body just a little bit better than before. Me buying a PS3 is happy for me because I actually spent a lot of money on something that I want, a big deal for me really. My organization of my computer files, well, that's more of a longtime task I've been engaged in for months that's almost over. Still, it's nice to complete things, to bring things to a resolution and move on.
An image I've had of myself lately is a planet leaving apogee. Apogee is when a planet is the farthest away from the sun in its orbit. In terms of the image in my head I feel it relates to me passing the dark moments in my life. For a good, oh I don't know, 7 years the world has really felt kind of dark and gray to me. If you've read this blog from the beginning no doubt you'll notice the bleakness. But lately I feel like I've found the bottom of a bottomless pit. First I learn it's not bottomless, and second...I've found what I've been looking for. I guess if I had to put my finger on it that thing would be myself. Traversing to the depths of your soul to find that spark of light within all. Not that I even knew I was doing this mind you; it's often only in retrospect that you can make sense of past actions.
Apogee is not perigee, the closest point to the sun, so I'm not saying I'm all perfect and fine and dandy and all that. It's just, when you've been traveling in a certain direction for a long time to finally be moving in the opposite direction is exciting -- so you make long posts about it. :) I feel like my latest posts have just been harping on happiness over and over, but I can't help it. I sincerely feel the source of true happiness comes in knowing yourself, however you might accomplish that. It's like a seed I feel though, knowing yourself. That's just a step. Once the seed has been found it has to be planted. That's the next step for me I feel, that opposite orbital direction I feel I'm on now. What might germinate from this newfound happiness.