December 2007 - Posts
I've been really thinking about building my own PVR (personal video recorder) a la TiVo, but amazingly you can't buy them! Well there is TiVo but I don't want to pay a monthly subscription for it, and I don't want to pay more for digital cable just so I can pay more to the cable company to be able to rent theirs. So I've convinced myself to spend probably at least $500 to build my own. :P
After much research I narrowed my selection of cases to only a few. One limits my choices of hardware in certain ways but will fit in my entertainment center well and looks really good! Another looks rather chunky, but will fit, and really has no future hardware restrictions. They both look really good actually but the better fitting one costs less.
So as luck would have it the company making the good looking case isn't making it anymore and the only place to get it now is on eBay. The company that sells them on there had three, one available at an auction and two as Buy it Now. While deciding whether or not to buy it two people snapped up the Buy it Now cases! Oh no. And the auction ended today at 2:36 AM.
I actually semi woke up today in the middle of the night and I was trying to rush to put a bid on the case. It felt weird. It was a dream, but if I let the excitement get to me I would've woken up. In any case, my dreams really affect me when they wake me up so I thought I should really consider getting the case.
I did put a bid on it with about 7 hours to go, but got outbid. After much back and forth on pros and cons I bid again with about 10 minutes to go. And amazingly some other guy outbid me at 2 minutes to go! I bid again when I saw this and I swear with 50 seconds to go he outbids me again! With 4 seconds to go, and really doubting if I could even type my bid fast enough to win, I get it. Ha, sucker... :P
I think it's kind of funny the actual outcome of the auction ended with the same excitement as my dream imparted on me.
This is the case I won:
and the other case I considered:
Someone made a comment
to a post yesterday that really got me excited. The post I made was done two years ago and concerned me having three planets in the 12th astrological house and making a possible link with that and the overall introspective tone of my life. His comment was that people with much 12th house activity have chosen the path of soul growth.
Upon reading that something just rang inside of me like, "that's so true!" The things I've chosen to believe on faith have all elicited such a resonate response from inside of me. You know, you absolutely can't prove what you're coming across is true in any way whatsoever, but something inside of you screams in delight at coming across it. After many years of doubting, and testing, that voice I've since come to rely upon it like a compass to discern truth.
One thing I've always detested are the life expectations that are created for us before we're even born. It goes like the structure of a pop song: you're born, have fun as a kid, rebel as a teenager, crash a car or two, get a girl pregnant/get pregnant. If you don't take that branch then you go to college, get drunk off your ass, graduate, get a job, party even harder now that have money, get married, have kids, go through a mid-life crisis, spend your last days doped up on medicines or vacationing or going senile, die. How boring.
Now certainly the script of life isn't so spelled out but it's just all the expectations people have of you. If you don't do such and such by such and such time then you're not on schedule and you're in trouble.
I could very well be following some typical life path but I've always thought I'm not. :) I've largely lived in my head and have always fancied myself an observer of life than a liver of one. Though I've had plenty of opportunities to get back on schedule I've always found myself drawn to studying people and the patterns we go through. I think that's probably why that guy's comment hit home with me so much. My life has
been primarily about soul growth! Truly every person is ultimately growing regardless of whatever they're doing, I believe. But just as everything is composed of atoms, we don't observe things on an atomic scale but on a higher level. And it's even at this higher level that I still feel my life path has primarily been focused on soul growth. More emphasis on that core goal perhaps, to say it another way. (Hmm, almost like how a crystal mirrors its atomic structure in macroscopic form. Hmm, something to ponder for later.)
Something else that guy said was about learning to accept yourself and using your intuition/faith to help with that. So so true, and it's exactly what I've learned to this point in my life. I didn't make a mistake in creating the life that I have, the tendencies I have, the beginning circumstances of my life. Yeah, life is cool. :)
I must sound like a cheerleader for happiness sometimes on my blog I think, I've been writing about it so much. But why not, I haven't always felt this way so it feels good to now. And besides, there's so much negativity in various forms "out there" why not help balance it if I can.NOTE
In reference to something I said above about being drawn back to studying people rather than living life. A counter-argument I've always thought of to that, and which I think other readers might make, is that instead of being drawn back to studying people I was/am just afraid to live life and thus came up with a justification to continue in my current path. There is some truth to that thinking so I won't attempt to deny it.
What I can say is that at this stage of my life I see value now in any path a person may choose to make in their life. Even if a person's choices are perceived by themselves as less than ideal there is still value in this. Specifically that they realize for themselves
their choices are less than ideal. This may seem like a worthless statement but no one can be forced to do anything they are not willing to do themselves. Change, or growth, can only occur on an individual's schedule.
A swirl of leaves and energy around me. Sometimes that's how I feel when I visualize myself. So many thoughts, so many perceptions, so much anger out there, so much frustration, so much to understand, so much that has been understood. How to make sense of what you perceive, how to integrate it into a whole. For now I throw my hands up and let everything exist as a hurricane. So much beauty actually.
One thing I absolutely love to do is walk outside barefoot and sun myself. Given my skin complexion I really don't need a tan :) but the sun can prompt your skin to make vitamin D which is very
helpful to you. Did you know it can help fight cancer? Either way, it feels good to let the sun kiss my skin so I do it.
Doing what feels good, a key to happiness if there ever was one. When scientists discover something is beneficial it's amazing how well it matches up to things you enjoy doing anyway.
Walking barefoot is nice because I get to feel the Earth. Shoes just get in the way. I get to feel the warmth of grass that's been warmed by the sun, feel the coolness of grass that hasn't. Feel the bumps, slopes, and textures of the ground. Look at ants and other assorted crawlies go about their business. I really feel a part of nature. Even walking in grass barefoot there are lessons to learn. Some people say it's dangerous. You might pick up germs or step on something! Fear fear fear. Be afraid, ah, I'm tiring of listening to that voice. There are no guarantees in life, no assurances of safety, truly there aren't. The more you attempt to feel safe the more what you attempt to make safe withers away. And what have you then? An empty, if safe, shell. If you want to be happy you must learn to accept the risks. Hmm, much to learn.
If I needed to be I would be a caretaker of the planet. I like cleaning up the debris other people leave behind. The plastic bottles, pieces of paper that float in the wind, wrappers. Ick, it's nasty actually, but the world looks better I think.
I was talking to a friend I haven't spoken to in about a year and we were playing catchup. He's now in Connecticut, his wife is going to Yale, and he's a software architect for ESPN. Me? Single and still at the same job I was at the last time we spoke. :)
Overall I'm happy with my life but I have to admit for a while I felt a bit lacking, like what have I done with my life. Then I reminded myself that everyone has their own path in life. There seems to be this idea you have to always be improving your life by some objective criteria: more money is usually the only accepted criteria. Still, there's nothing wrong with changing your life the way my friend has just like there's nothing wrong with keeping your life the same the way I have.
Also found out today that a former co-worker died in his sleep last night. This guy was young, relatively speaking, to die that way; somewhere around 37. No one knows exactly how he died yet but knowing his personality I wouldn't be surprised if he died from stress. He worked crazy hours and had a volatile temper. He achieved a measure of greatness by the world's standards. Got an MBA, moved into a CIO position at a state university, had a hot (if bitchy) wife, drove a nice car, had a nice house. I can only hope he was happy with his life when he died.
Something I've come across in my studies of the mysteries of the universe is the idea of a composite being. It's a being that's actually composed of many other people. It's probably tough to conceptualize if you limit beings to having bodies, just imagine consciousness. Shared memory is really more of what I'm thinking though. Imagine a group of people that had enough access to each others' thoughts and feelings that each could speak as any of the others. They'd still be individuals with their own thoughts and feelings, but just sharing with others.
I think the Internet is enabling a rudimentary form of this. When you read someone's blog a lot of times they post about the minutiae of their day. Things not quite important enough for a newspaper headline but still important enough for the person to at least write about. It's fun. You can talk to friends in person and get the same thing but the Internet just really expands the number of people you can do this with. That's one reason I really like posting to my blog: I feel like I'm contributing to the birth of a new global mind of sorts.
In other news, I need to post more fluff on here me thinks, tis a bit too serious at times, eh.
I'm starting to live a little bit more in balance with my body. By that I'm mainly thinking about going to sleep when my body indicates it wants to at night, rather than stay up as long as I want. That's what I usually do but I've noticed on the weekends, when I sleep in, that when I wake up my face is really smooth. Getting older and noticing my body aging certain things draw my attention more, like this. I've always noticed too that when I let myself take a nap when my body really wants one when I wake up my face is, again, really smooth and healthy looking. At the very least there's a cue that sleep is beneficial to the body so maybe I should listen to it.
Balance in all things. A statement I've come across quite a bit but am learning can be difficult to live your life by that principle. So many things you want to accomplish or do in a day. You can do too much of one thing at the detriment of too little of another. So many needs and wants pressing us. What to do, what to do. Choices choices, eh, haha, this world is peculiarly designed for making them. It's up to us to decide what's important in our lives, which of the many voices clamoring for our attention to listen to. Balance is a unique thing then, you have to find your own center.
I'm tired now in fact, I should go to bed, perhaps I will. I'll write more some other time, I promise.