December 2008 - Posts
I've been listening and re-listening to an album of remixed video game music for a few days now. It sounds good but it also brings back a lot of memories. The games in question were from the late 80s and I played them on my 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System. Now here I am, all grown up, still listening to that sweet music.
I've also been spending more time as of late with children, one who is as old I was when I played those games with the sweet music. It's remarkable how things from that era that I have such fond memories of, he has none. Those times seem as far away and dusty to him as the times before me seemed when I was his age. But now I'm all grown up. Experienced enough to see the cycle of life complete for the first time. No longer is every experience new and amazing, now they begin to seem so oddly familiar. "Haven't I been here before?" "Haven't I seen this somewhere already?" These emotions, these feelings. :)
What then about life. This cycle, this cycle of life. I think about the current financial mess this country is in and it honestly makes me smile and feel joy. Not so much because people are losing their jobs, not because I'll have to deal with lowered paychecks for a while, but because there's so little balance in this country, so little sustainability, and this is an opportunity to gain those things. The concept of never-ending growth is a fairy tale, one I think we're coming out of the clutches of. One needs patience for sustainability, one must wait for things to happen on their own schedule, acceptance of what is. It's very easy to be peaceful in such a state, to be in balance. Our sun could end in an instant by exploding or collapsing in on itself, but yet it has found its balance and has sustained itself for billions of years and billions to come.
I like cataloging my life, jotting down notes as I skip along in it. I wonder what my future self will think of me now. I think of my past self and I'm so abundantly happy. At times I wasn't always so, but the harvest of a life can produce much to gush over.
Sometimes I wonder what's the point of it all. Thinking about human history and all of the lives that we live. So very many of them and it seems we learn little. We still kill each other after thousands of years and many human lives lived. We still don't love each other as much as we could. We still lie to and deceive others, and sadly ourselves. Other people are not a part of us so it's okay to treat them in a less manner than those we care about. Our brothers and sisters.
A bit pessimistic view, perhaps. Still, we make progress, even if slow. There is always love and joy in the world. But I suppose my deeper pondering is what is the point of a life. It's a subtly different question than what is the meaning of life. Instead of taking the perspective of the objective, of "out there", it's a more personal question. What is the point of living my life? For what reason am I alive? What do I wish to accomplish in my life?
It's a focusing question. Rather than live a haphazard life in which events just seem to happen, the life is lived with a purpose. It's a responsibility question. The life is no accident.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm on a new chapter in my life. It's kind of weird actually because it gradually snuck up on me. I didn't notice until I started discovering a lot of people from my past on Facebook. A good many of them found me, but after I started getting turned on to Facebook more I started actively looking for people from my past. It was very exciting to see people whose mental image I had retained become unfrozen. Suddenly a 16-year old girl in my mind becomes a mother of 2 kids, an 11-year old boy I used to play with when I was 11 is now suddenly my age and married. It's a weird and interesting thing how people can be frozen like that in your mind.
The euphoria of re-discovering my past seems to be the catalyst of the new life chapter I seem to be on. I should say it's the catalyst of my awareness of it, because I've been in this for a little while now. It really does seem like life has cycles, or chapters. Just the way I've been thinking since my late teen years till now seems...distant. It's as if thinking in certain ways feels simultaneously foreign and familiar now: familiar because those thought patterns used to be own and I recognize that, foreign because they no longer seem to occupy my mind. They don't enthrall me as they used to. I suppose it's not unlike how a child at some point puts down their toys because they no longer interest anymore. The teddy bear that once brought comfort is left forgotten in a dusty closet, no longer needed.
Life is most certainly an interesting journey. I'm starting to think the beginning chapters of our lives are largely automatic and biologically driven. That is, you hit puberty and a shift happens, at some point you leave your parent's care and take care of yourself. After that the chapters in your life are written by you to a far larger degree. What will they consist of and how long will they last? Questions all up to you. What will their themes be? Who will be the principal actors and actresses? Where will the setting be? What will be the story of your life?
I read something today about creative geniuses. Being The Vain One that I am I put myself in that category for a while. The part about journaling made me smile. "I do that!", I thought. It's a nice thought to play with, to consider myself a creative genius. But not wanting to get too distracted by myself it's probably best to remember there are many many creative geniuses in this world, even if we need reminding from time to time. :)
I have a confession to make. For the past couple of weeks I've been eating raw meat!!
I know cooking meat until all semblance of its original form is gone is recommended, but I've been reading some good things about it. Mainly to do with raw food, but raw meat as well. If you've never thought much about eating your food raw the basic premise behind it is that cooking destroys enzymes and other nutrients, so not cooking your food will preserve them and potentially make you healthier. I tried eating more of my food raw back while I was experimenting with being a vegetarian.
So let's just say I couldn't manage to maintain that. I did take away some good lessons though: such as not leaving my frozen vegetables in the boiling water for too long...
I decided to try raw food again when Playboy had a spread about Carol Alt, age 48, touting the benefits of raw food. (I swear I totally skipped passed all those full-page nudy pictures that got in my way of reading the article.) Anyway! So she's 48 and has an amazing body, no joke!! No lines, no wrinkles, smooth skin, I was amazed. It's one thing to say a woman looks good for her age, but it's quite another to just say she looks good and find out she's 48! I know she's a (former) supermodel and all, but damn.
The raw meat I'm eating isn't actually all raw and I'm only eating chicken this way. I sear it in a pan to cook the outside but the inside is still raw. I read about doing that as a kind of hedge: it'll kill the surface bacteria that attach themselves to the meat while being handled. (Incidentally, this also the reason I'm not keen on eating raw meat that's been ground up: too much surface area to cook defeats the purpose of raw meat.) I'm also eating chicken that hasn't been pumped with antibiotics and growth hormones. I wouldn't dare try this with conventionally raised chickens.
Can't say I've noticed any differences with myself yet, but I suspect something like this will take months or years to show any changes. If there's one thing to take away from this post, aside from I'm crazy haha, it's enzymes. Your body makes a limited supply of them over your lifetime, don't waste them.