Hamster dancing
"I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes"
Learned yet again a lesson I thought I already had. It's the one where I say it's okay to be myself. I believe it, until I realize I don't. Nothing in particular happened today to trigger the lesson, just observations. Watching my co-worker laugh the way she does when she isn't talking to me. I have a good sense why, and it's natural that she does what she does, responds to me in a different fashion. It used to bother me -- and perhaps still does -- but I'm becoming accepting of it. She is who she is as much as I am who I am, neither of us can change who we are. And why should we, who wants a world of clones.
Taming my excesses has been a goal of mine. Identifying those areas that express themselves in excess of others, finding the counter expression to balance it. Much like a planet actually. Upon close inspection its surface seems bumpy, so many imperfections, so many excess protrusions of matter, so many valleys. As you begin to view the entirety of it though you start to see how the excesses become smoothed away, the balance being found to such a degree the entity that is the planet becomes a sphere. What is sought is found and there is peace within. I like that imagery, I like that ideal.
Sometimes I feel like a hamster spinning in a wheel, repeatedly passing by the same scenery thinking it's new. It takes a while it seems to recognize when the new is really repackaged old. It's a shame really we live such relatively short lives. By the time you understand something, really understand, you're close to death. Not intellectually, surface understanding, but understanding that's filtered down into the heart. Understanding that no longer needs to be thought to be, it simply is; your character changes.
It's been said when the student is ready the teacher will appear; but they never said what the teacher will look like. It doesn't always have the bipedal form it seems.