Possible reason for introversion
Learned something else about myself recently. I think it relates to why I'm introverted. I went to a bridal party over the weekend -- it was a work thing for a co-worker -- and although I was sociable some I was largely quiet and listened. Later on that day I thought about the day's events heavily, that and other things that've recently been on my mind. One thing I gained more insight on was my desire to be known. Or lack thereof resulting in introversion. People's impressions about me was one of the things that was on my mind and I realized how out of sync some people must be about me. Whether or not they are of sync wasn't so much the important thing for me but the realization that I could talk about myself more was. Segueing from that was the thought of why don't I already do this. And that's when the idea of I'm not comfortable with myself rose to the surface again.
Whether I've consciously realized it or not, I've known that conversing with someone involves sharing of myself to some degree, and I've largely not been comfortable with that. As I've been getting more and more comfortable in my own skin the reasons why have been making themselves more evident. Namely my foundation is weak. I'm at a loss of words to describe this, but essentially my sense of self has felt weak, easily changeable, manipulated. So I've minimized the possible threats to its fragility as I've worked to shore it up. Practically speaking that means limiting my interactions with others. But it's been getting much much stronger lately, my sense of self I mean. Not that I all of sudden have sure answers for everything about myself, but I'm realizing not knowing doesn't need to mean the end of the world. I have the mental image of the birth of a star. It's core being very small, but nevertheless the fundamental thermonuclear reactions necessary to support its future size being in place.
I have to say I really enjoy exploring life. Learning about the physical world is nice. Discovering the sun is powered by nuclear fusion instead of divine magic has helped our species along; science is a nice thing. But like money you can't take such knowledge with you when you perish. I guess that's why I find knowledge related to self more fascinating. Whether it be me personally or someone else, but just knowledge that evolves a personality / essence / spirit. There are ideas related to the continuation of life beyond death involved here of course, and such ideas are in the realm of divine magic as far as science is concerned. Ha. But that's a part of the exploration of this life I find so fascinating. :)