I don't think I've ever quite felt the way I've been feeling the
past few days. It's a feeling kinda like wanting to go to sleep yet
it's not sleep I want, not physical sleep anyway. But it definitely
feels like a rest is needed, is craved. The same way your body
makes you sleepy when it's tired, I've been feeling like that, like
I'm called to rest, to calm.
Given my somewhat recent reading about entering the silence I
immediately knew that's what the feeling was. Contemplation was
emphatically not going to do the trick this time, I had to still
myself. It's kind of exciting and weird at the same time since it's
a new feeling for me. I think it's related to my pondering on what
to do about my job. As much as I keep saying and thinking I want to
quit I can't quite shake the feeling I'm doing something wrong.
Sigh. Sometimes I hate trying to be authentic to my feelings rather
than convention. :P
(You ever move about your environment and feel like you're in a
dream? That you have a tenuous, yet instant, connection to your
body? It moves, when you want it, but your attention is not
entirely on it?
Ha...ha.... *At some point one must choose.*)
I'll have to make entering the silence more routine. All these
"guys" keep talking about it like it's the greatest thing. It's
calling me, that's for sure.