February 2010 - Posts
I was composing an email to someone yesterday and at the end I hesitated about writing something. I was trying to figure out if I should say it or not, make up some excuse so I wouldn't seem so bad in the eyes of the other person. And then it just hit me, why not just write what I feel? It makes me laugh a lot now but it really was just a sudden epiphany: just tell the truth. Not a command or directive, it really came in the guise of a question.
I ended up just saying how I felt, or really the core of what I felt. But in the moment that question was posed to me I felt alive, excited, joyful, exuberant. Recently I've mentioned wanting to live my life in a certain, rather inchoate, way. But in that moment I knew exactly what, or where, that way was!
I don't want to pollute the feeling with too much intellectualizing. But if I could describe it it would be like looking at a scene you've seen your entire life and on a whim you decide to look at it cross-eyed instead! And lo and behold you see something totally different than what you've ever seen. Just like those Magic Eye images. Pop! Right there in front of you, a new way of seeing things. Been there the whole time, just had to look at it in a certain, intentioned, way.
Before I let my heart end its excitement about this and let my mind take over I do want to say I enjoy the visualization of the heart as a compass. It is a lot like that. It doesn't just draw your attention to things, it also attracts those things to you. Magnetism.
Okay, so now I can intellectualize. *(^O^)* It was eye opening to be in front of that question: why not just say what I feel. I had to think about the reasons and motivations for lying. And they are many and varied. But typically my answers revolved around saving face, fear of losing another's love or affection by openly revealing myself. But why not just say what I feel? Haha, such an honest and simple question.
Writing Efficient SQL: Set-Based Speed Phreakery
Just read a fantastic article that dissected some SQL code that generated a running total report over a million rows in less than a second; thought I'd pass it on. Even if you're not "a SQL guy or gal" I think it could be of benefit, if nothing else for learning the techniques summarized at the end of the article so you can use them in other environments.
If you do decide to follow along with the article to better understand everything but don't have the tools necessary to do so, don't fret! I used SQL Server 2008 Express Edition. After you get it setup you can download the sample data via links in the article. And since they don't explain how to actually import all that data – assuming you go for the million row sample data download – use the bcp command.
- Create a database on your newly setup server, name it whatever you want.
- Create a new query window and issue the CREATE TABLE command from the article.
- Now you can use bcp (Bulk Copy Provider?). From a command prompt window type something like the following:
bcp Play.dbo.Registrations in registrations.bcp -S humpty\sqlexpress -T
Where Play is the database name I used and humpty\sqlexpress is the server name on my machine. Just press enter at all the prompts you get asked until the import starts.
So did I ever tell you the one about the fish out of water who walks into a bar and orders a Bloody Mary? No? Ha, that's because I never knew a fish that could hold his liquor, let alone walk into a bar to get it. But what I do know is I have an itch to scratch by writing.
I had an interesting Monday this week. I was shopping in the grocery section of the grocery store when a bundle of kale fell to the floor. I thought someone else would pick it up, surely not me, but it landed in front of my path so I picked it up. Later I realized I forgot to get something, and as I decided to go get it a head of lettuce fell down in front of my path. This time I was delighted to pick it up. Honestly I had the impression someone was trying to communicate with me. Sound crazy? About as crazy as a fish boozing it up. But I'm cool with crazy. I'm rather settling on the idea limiting my thoughts to the mold of others isn't very exciting, nor fun.
So why would I think someone is trying to communicate with me given what I experienced? Just a thought, nothing more. But thoughts are things, and entertaining. One thought I like is of them being like magnets, drawing things to themselves; a thought form. Given that thought one should pay attention to what thoughts to entertain and be entertained by. :)
But the deeper thought is a desire to live my life a certain way. Almost like putting paint to canvas, or in my case code to file. My desire is getting more fleshed out, less vague. That Atlantis post attracted me and stirred something. I don't really like the way modern society operates. I was reading once where someone described modern humans as like rapists upon the Earth. We bend it to our will: blow up mountains to get at resources underneath, dirty rivers in order to continue the opportunity to blow up more mountains. The idea of working with the Earth seems so foreign to our mass consciousness.
I like the idea too of working in harmony together. What is the purpose of work? To get money to buy food and shelter? To get money to then get into debt to buy more stuff? Couldn't we simply give each other what we needed or wanted? No, because we're rapists. We want more and more, never satisfied. Why ask for one head of cabbage if I can ask for two, or three. Why tend to a garden if this other guy will just give me stuff, for free!
There've been utopian visions before, even fully acted upon, only to fail.. :( Human nature is too rapacious at times it seems. But yet I desire; without the thought there is no form, no nothing. I know in my heart it's possible.