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One word

I was composing an email to someone yesterday and at the end I hesitated about writing something. I was trying to figure out if I should say it or not, make up some excuse so I wouldn't seem so bad in the eyes of the other person. And then it just hit me, why not just write what I feel? It makes me laugh a lot now but it really was just a sudden epiphany: just tell the truth. Not a command or directive, it really came in the guise of a question.

I ended up just saying how I felt, or really the core of what I felt. But in the moment that question was posed to me I felt alive, excited, joyful, exuberant. Recently I've mentioned wanting to live my life in a certain, rather inchoate, way. But in that moment I knew exactly what, or where, that way was!

I don't want to pollute the feeling with too much intellectualizing. But if I could describe it it would be like looking at a scene you've seen your entire life and on a whim you decide to look at it cross-eyed instead! And lo and behold you see something totally different than what you've ever seen. Just like those Magic Eye images. Pop! Right there in front of you, a new way of seeing things. Been there the whole time, just had to look at it in a certain, intentioned, way.

Before I let my heart end its excitement about this and let my mind take over I do want to say I enjoy the visualization of the heart as a compass. It is a lot like that. It doesn't just draw your attention to things, it also attracts those things to you. Magnetism.

Okay, so now I can intellectualize. *(^O^)* It was eye opening to be in front of that question: why not just say what I feel. I had to think about the reasons and motivations for lying. And they are many and varied. But typically my answers revolved around saving face, fear of losing another's love or affection by openly revealing myself. But why not just say what I feel? Haha, such an honest and simple question.

Posted: Mon, Feb 15 2010 10:05 PM by Humpty
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