You know, it occurred to me today I really don't have much idea of
what my spirit is. There's the idea that we have a mind, body, and soul;
I'll use the term spirit. It's fairly obvious what the body portion of
that trinity is. The mind portion too, fairly obvious, your
consciousness: intellect, feelings, emotions, intangible things. But the
spirit portion I have a much tougher time getting a grasp of. If the
body has its way of perceiving the world, the mind its own way, then the
spirit would have its own way as well. The best definition I've come
across of spirit describes it as a shuttle between us as an individual
and the whole.
It's kinda odd when I think about it now that it's
taken me this long to realize how much I don't know of the spirit, even
though it is a part of me as much as my mind and my body. I have to
imagine the miraculous things you read about in history are achieved via
the spirit. My imaginations of communicating with my higher self as
well. One thing I'm realizing I'll have to be careful of, should I
choose to explore more of my spirit, is to let it be what it is. That
is, don't approach it from a mind or body perspective. Sort of like how
the mind is not the brain, that's a body perspective.
Beliefs are a funny thing. Whatever the truth of them they have a very real affect on you. They guide your thoughts, in turn your actions; they're the blueprint of you in a very real sense.
So a couple of days ago I was at work talking with a friend and co-worker when he mentioned a conversation he had with a lady I have the hots for. We talk about her a lot but this particular day I was pissed and didn't want to hear it. (Side story: The previous day as I was walking in the hallway I saw her but she looked down to pretend she didn't see me. We've had some other pretend I don't see you moments in the past, from both of us, so it wasn't completely unexpected. But still, it hurt some to see her do that.) So, I was pissed when my friend was talking so exuberantly about her.
As I get more in-tune with myself as I age I'm starting to recognize patterns within myself, and one hit me as I was talking to my friend. It's a sinking feeling in my stomach, like even my throat is being pulled into a pit in my stomach. I notice it happens when I engage in a pattern that's self-destructive but yet one I feel I must force myself to take. Beliefs in action. This particular belief has taken a while to pin down but I've identified it for the most part. Whenever there's something that I want but I'm hesitant to reach for, if I experience any kind of hardship in an attempt to reach, then I adopt a stance that me or the other person would be better off if nothing happened.
One of the ways I use to work through things is to hold internal dialogue with myself. This day I imagined I was talking with me, my higher self. He, me, shared a different perspective on the situation, one from outside an incarnation. He mentioned how once this incarnation is over all I would be able to do is review it, not make any changes. He assured me that from the vantage point of a fuller view of the situation I would be amazed how easy it is to solve. By solve I mean choosing a different path from what I usually engage in. Right now I feel burdened by the accumulation of baggage, I feel I have to carry it. But I could just not. There's nothing forcing me to engage in behaviors that don't benefit me except my belief that I have to; oftentimes because I don't even realize I'm choosing. He also pointed out that instead of conducting a life review and wishing I had done something differently, what I really felt in my heart I would rather do, I actually can make changes now because I'm still living this life.
That's also when I realized what a great treasure it is to be alive. We can choose.